Meet Alice, she has just arrived home from a hard day at work.
She switches on her computing machine
and looks to see what her friends have been up to,
on Facebook, the electric friendship generator.
First she checks in to see what Timmy's been up to.
Alice and Timmy have been going steady for 6 months
and she thinks he's a real swell guy.
Alice hasn't spoken to Timmy since last evening
and can't wait to see what his day was like.
That's funny. At 2.05 this morning,
Timmy changed his relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single".
Even more curious, he became friends with Donna Whitehouse, at 2.07 AM
Timmy just bungled rule #1 of Facebook relationship etiquette
DON'T CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITHOUT CONSULTING THE OTHER PERSON
What a dope !
Alice decides there must be some sort of mistake.
The Timmy she knows would never disregard her feelings this way.
She sends him a note to see if it was a mistake.
Alice waits, and waits, and waits.
Alice is tired of waiting, so she decides to stick it to Timmy.
She uploads and tags a few embarrassing photographs of Timmy.
Timmy may have a hard time making new friends
when they see that he likes to dress up in Alice's undergarnments.
Those photographs sure are funny,
but Alice just broke Facebook relationship etiquette rule #2
DON'T POST EMBARRASSING PHOTOGRAPHS OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shame on you Alice! (Sorry)
It's okay, Alice, we all make mistakes.
It looks like Timmy has posted some messages on Alice's wall.
"I can't believe you posted those photos of me!"
"Sorry for being such a square."
"Baby, are you there?"
"By the way, it was just a regular rash."
TMI Timmy, you've just broken Facebook relationship etiquette rule #3
BE DISCREET WHEN POSTING MESSAGES ON ANOTHER PERSON'S WALL
Alice doesn't take the bait,
she removes Timmy's posts and tries to move on with her life.
That's interesting. Timmy has been very busy on Facebook,
making friends with all of Alice's friends.
Who would wanna be pals with a grody jody like Timmy?
He has violated Facebook relationship rule #4
DON'T STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S FRIENDS
Cool it Alice, no-one's going to date you if you get frown lines.
Alice is fed up so she creates a group called "Timmy Gordon's a real wet blanket"
According to the group's description,
Timmy cries over spilled milk,
Timmy buys things not made in the USA,
Timmy wets the bed,
and Timmy is a COMMUNIST!
Be careful Alice, this is clearly in violation of Facebook relationship rule #5
DON'T START HATE GROUPS
Nothing good can come of this.
What did I tell you Alice?
Timmy is in the slammer and Alice is ashamed.
All of this could have been avoided
by following the simple rules of Facebook etiquette.
Don't be bungle-heads like Alice and Timmy,
have good Facebook manners
and the electric friendship generator will be more fun for everyone.